Better Communication
by Cindy Ventrice
Who wouldn't benefit from improved communication? The quality of
our relationships; with life partners, children, friends, employees and coworkers,
customers and vendors, is determined by the quality of our communications. Developing
better communication is probably the most powerful tool we have in improving the quality
of our lives.
When expressing dissatisfaction with a relationship, the problem
stated most frequently is a sense of not being listened to. For the individual, being
heard is their first priority. Having their problem solved comes in a distant second.
Developing strong listening skills is the most powerful way to
improve communication.
Have you ever tried listening, carefully, to a disgruntled
vendor? We talk a lot about customer service, but treating vendors courteously can be just
as important. Not long ago, I was on the phone with an unfamiliar travel agent, who was
being very short with me. I could have been indignant if I wanted to. I'm good at
self-righteous, when I want to be. This time was different. It was different because I
chose to assume that his anger wasn't really directed at me.
After experiencing the bite of his remarks, I was quiet for a
moment and then said, "You sound upset." I waited. He was quiet. Then he softly
replied, "It's just so frustrating. Several people are out of the office today and
the receptionist keeps sending me all of their customers and I have to book 30
flights for my own customers, before this afternoon."
That was the whole interaction. Thirty seconds, tops, then we
finished our business. He was calm, I was calm. I didn't fix anything, I just
listened. He benefited. I benefited. How many other customers benefited from his improved
disposition? That's what I mean when I say better communication improves the quality of
our lives. Listening is a powerful tool, but only if we take the time to use it.
Listening is powerful, but so is speaking. When we speak are we
intimidating or accepting? Do we offer clarity or confusion? I have been accused of
semantic nit-picking, but how we phrase what we have to say and how we deliver that
information is critical. Imagine a small child that comes to you crying. Do you put your
hands on your hips, scowl and say "What's the matter with you?" Or do you get
down at eye level, put your hands on their shoulders and say "Why are you
crying?" Technically, in both cases, you are looking for information on why they are
crying, but the message the child receives is dramatically different.
Better communication means looking at the whole message we
are conveying. Are we saying that only our opinion is important? We do that when we don't
listen carefully. Are we saying that we care about the other person? We do that through
carefully chosen words and body language that supports those words.
© Copyright Cindy Ventrice, 1998
Cindy Ventrice of Potential Unlimited Seminars has been a
consultant/trainer since 1984. Potential Unlimited offers programs designed to
improve morale, productivity, and profitability..
She can be reached at 831-476-4224, or email: CVentrice@potential-unltd.com
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