Conflict in the Workplace

by Cindy Ventrice

Once again we are reading about a workplace tragedy. Another person has taken their grievances to the extreme, shooting their co-workers. It leaves us wondering, how could this happen?  It may have been mental illness. It may have been that there was nothing any of his coworkers could have done differently that would have changed the course of events.

As such stories unfold, we often hear:

"He was a nice guy, a quiet guy."

 "He was angry about [fill in the blank], but he would never have said anything to the boss."

 "He complained about [fill in the blank], but I guess we didn't take it seriously."

We ask ourselves, what could have been done to avoid this conflict? Consider too, the many other situations where conflict in the workplace seems to get out of hand, although not to this extreme. How do we prevent conflict?

The answer is that conflict itself, is not the problem, it's the lack of direct, well-managed conflict. Too many of us confuse assertion with aggression. We avoid conflict, we "let sleeping dogs lie," because we don't want to "make waves", "rock the boat", or "upset the apple cart."

We want to keep the peace. It's easier to hide our anger than address the problem. It's easier to dismiss the anger in others with, "They'll get over it."

When we hide our anger, we tend to relive frustrating situations over and over in our heads, and see ourselves as victims. When we see ourselves as victims, we begin to look for ways to retaliate. "He took credit for my idea. I'll teach him. See how far he gets when I stop helping." "She didn't cover for me when I was out sick. She had better hope she doesn't get sick right before a crucial deadline."

When we ignore the small frustrations our coworkers have with us, those frustrations grow. What was once a small issue, becomes a complicated controversy.

Unspoken conflict destroys camaraderie, and cooperation, damages trust, and impairs work teams. It creates an uncomfortable workplace. Ironically, by avoiding confrontation, we create greater discord.

So how do we handle conflict most appropriately?

Pay attention. What do your coworkers do that bothers you? What pushes your buttons? What do you do that bothers your coworkers? If you don't pay attention, you won't notice a problem until you or a coworker are infuriated.

Listen attentively and respectfully to the complaints of others. Make it easy for others to air their grievances with you. Take the time to understand the problem from their point of view.

Say something before a situation gets out of hand.  Don't expect your coworkers to already know what disturbs you. Remember, your coworkers may have different anger triggers than you. Express your concerns before a situation becomes unbearable, or you lose your perspective.

Keep your sense of humor. Lighten up, don't take yourself too seriously. Coworkers will find you more approachable and your conflicts will be more manageable.

Address the problem. Comments that attack the person, such as "you're selfish," or generalizations, such as "you always take his side," escalate problems but don't help to resolve them. Focus on the issue. Be specific. Acknowledge your role in creating the problem. Rarely is the conflict completely the fault of one person.

Expect success. The most important element in resolving conflict is the belief that the issue can be resolved to everyone's satisfaction. When we approach conflict expecting the outcome to have a winner and a loser we become emotionally invested in the results - we don't want to be the loser.

Our goal should be a cooperative work environment with open-minded communication. To achieve that we must confront conflict directly. We need to learn to express disagreement in a non-threatening, positive manner.

Other related articles:

Better Communication
Ask
Resolving Conflict

For information on conflict resolution programs:

Handling Conflict

Recommended reading:

 

         Getting to Resolution, Stewart Levine, 1998

                                 

Tools for resolving conflict, including a 7-step resolution model that includes the attitude of resolution, listening for resolution, and crafting agreement. Also looks at the cost to our organizations when conflict isn't resolved in a timely manner.

 

© Copyright Cindy Ventrice, 2000

Cindy Ventrice of Potential Unlimited has been a consultant/trainer  since 1984. Potential Unlimited provides relationship building solutions that improve morale, productivity and profitability.  She can be reached at 831-476-4224, or email: CVentrice@potential-unltd.com

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