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6 Steps for Resolving Conflict: A Manager's Perspective
by Cindy Ventrice
A usually calm and collected employee storms into his manager's office, and the manager
is thrown into the middle of a conflict, without warning. How the manager responds will
affect her relationship with this employee, and possibly the mood and morale of everyone
who reports to her.
Charles, normally a rational person, is shouting, "I can't believe you
didn't do anything about Angela! She's been telling everyone that I have been stealing
toilet paper! They are starting to refer to me as TP Guy. You should have put a stop to
this a week ago! You can't even control your own employees. This is unbelievable!"
Where does the manager begin? When faced with over-reaction, it is important that we
act, rather than re-act. The tendency is to become emotionally drawn into the
conflict. It's better to maintain a little emotional distance, and work through the six
steps for resolving conflict.
Listen
Calm the employee down, so that you can have a dialog. Begin by listening - - to everything
they have to say. If the upset employee is stopped before they finish, they won't hear
anything the manager has to say. If this manager wants resolution, she must listen.
To demonstrate that the manager is listening to Charles, she maintains eye contact and
a neutral expression. Tilting her head slightly to one side gives the message that she is
listening. She doesn't nod her head, because Charles could interpret that as agreement.
Empathize
Demonstrate understanding of what was just said. Many managers will skip this step because
they feel like they are agreeing, when they don't agree. It is important to realize that
you do not have to agree with what has been said, in order to empathize with the employee.
The employee needs to believe that you have a firm grasp of the situation, the facts, and
how it affects them personally. Empathizing demonstrates to the upset employee that they
have been heard.
Charles' manager recaps his comments and empathizes, "You are obviously angry
about this rumor. You believe that Angela has been spreading a rumor about you and you
think I need to take action. I understand how frustrating that must be."
She didn't use his exact words. She didn't use obvious active listening phrases like,
"What I heard you say." She did acknowledge his emotion and she did restate his
rational points. She focused on the problem rather than the personal attack. It is
no longer Charles against his manager, but Charles and his manager, against the problem.
Apologize
Apologize? The twerp should be apologizing to his manager! Right? If you really want to
diffuse the situation, it helps to apologize.
When the situation fits into one of these three possibilities - an apology is
appropriate:
- When your actions are regrettable. "I am sorry I didn't take action sooner."
- When you don't regret your actions, but your actions have caused someone pain. "I
am sorry that my not taking action against Angela caused you discomfort. I could not find
anyone to confirm that Angela started the rumor."
- When your actions weren't directly related to the problem. "I am sorry that you
have been embarrassed. If I had been told about this situation earlier, I most certainly
would have dealt with it."
Contrary to what we might have learned as children, an apology doesn't have to
mean we did anything wrong. Worded carefully, it can simply express your wish that the
employee had been spared the discomfort. Remember, a heartfelt apology will go a long way
towards reducing tension.
Know your options
Before you offer up a solution, know your options. Do the research. Ask for details; facts
that back up the employees point of view. This will help to clarify the situation for
everyone involved.
Ask the employee what their solution would be. Many managers are reluctant to ask the
employee, out of fear that their solution will be unreasonable, and that they will be
committed to implementing the suggestion. Good ways to phrase the question include,
"How would you handle this if you were me?" "What would be a fair
resolution?" and if you think they can best handle the situation themselves,
"What do you want to do about it?"
Guide
Unless you created the problem, your job is to help the employee clarify the problem and
its consequences. Then guide them in creating their own solutions.
Educate
Once the conflict is resolved and the tension is gone, use the opportunity to help the
employee develop better negotiation and conflict resolution skills.
In our example, the employee was insulting. We ignored the insult when we were trying
to diffuse the situation. Now that the conflict has been resolved, we have an opportunity
to discuss how they could use a more professional approach for communicating
dissatisfaction in the future.
When faced with an over-reactive employee, or group of employees, remember to listen,
empathize, apologize, know your options, guide and educate. Following these steps, in this
order, will reduce the intensity of conflicts, and over-time will reduce the frequency as
well.
© Copyright Cindy Ventrice, 1999
Cindy Ventrice of Potential Unlimited has been a
consultant/trainer since 1984. Potential Unlimited provides
relationship building solutions that improve morale, productivity and profitability.
She can
be reached at 831-476-4224, or email: CVentrice@potential-unltd.com
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